i feel like all i do is watch people and notice all the beautiful things about them and try to understand them fully and no one does that for me … sometimes i feel like i’m just a mirror to reflect people back to themselves. a vessel for love and that’s it… i make everyone else into poetry and no one else sees me the way i see them it’s so depressing
I only ever want the simple and small things. A bowl of fruit. To exist comfortably. To be accepted. To be loved. To eat nice food. To laugh as much as I can.
“I feel very small. I don’t understand. I have so much courage, fire, energy, for many things, yet I get so hurt, so wounded by small things.”
Anaïs Nin, from nearer the moon: the previously unpublished unexpurgated diary,1937-1939
“I want a bf” “I want a gf” okay??? I want to let go of my past no matter how hurtful the memories might be??? I want love to define me rather than break me in my feverish attempts to seek it????? I want the ever shifting opinions of other people to no longer have such a chokehold on me?????
i keep thinking my life will never change or that i will never change and that i will feel this way forever but really change is always happening microscopically and i may never realize it until years and years later
Guess I just won’t understand things for a while and I’ll have to be okay with that
Huge fan of human connection, and love, and loss, and laying in the dark at night with the fan on thinking about things other people taught me and crying grateful happy tears
i feel like i’m constantly relearning to love the world again after very painful experiences and grief but sometimes it’s as simple as stepping outside and seeing a flower with a bright yellow centre and thinking “oh, how stunning!”
i honestly don’t know how this happened but somewhere between my childhood and formative years i forgot how to exist like a normal person and started to either overthink everything or make disastrous choices without any proper thinking at all. no middle ground whatsoever
U can grieve and still live life. U can miss loving someone and love others. You can hold onto the good moments and simultaneously the bad moments. You can take the learning from a person you let go off and use it for the better. You can love someone and they may not be the right person. You can wish someone the best and love them from a distance. You can think fondly of someone and never talk to them again.. mysteries of the world…
As my theater professor said, “Smart people can hold two opposing ideas in their heads at once.”